


Midnight City High

by MisterSeven



Category: Homestuck, Homestuck Intermission - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Humanstuck, Lemon, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, homestuck intermission
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 10:30:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4176492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisterSeven/pseuds/MisterSeven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A high school alternate universe that follows the adventures of a freshman by the pseudonym of Crowbar. Co-written by a shark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by Jack Doritohat.

Cowbar was nervous caus it was his fist day of HIGH SCHOOL and he had a guiant crush on trace but not on snowman because he was super hella gay! he was also a super rad mlg pro who always won all his games bcauz everyone else was a fucking scrub. except 4 RACE cuz he was IN LOVE with TRES.  
but Taccs was totally not in love with him at all cause cuz he was hella loving in with DIE, the school creepy goth kid thet EVVERYONE was in total love with OMG. JUST THEN Spuds Slick rode up to Crow Bar and Trace on his BADASS motorcycle. “hey neeerrrrds” he concurred “What are you loser doing her”  
(except theyre NOT doing ‘her’ bc theyre super hella gay and snowman is a 8itch hehe!)  
“no, sorry” trace exclammed “we are very busty NOT talking to you bc we are busy doing ROMANCE THINGS becuz YOU are a fuckin scrub”. Becaus secretly they were actually dating! sh, dont let die find out!  
JUST THEn die rode up in his convertible; “hey trac” he said in his heavy french accent which was heavy “bonjour~~~~~~” he was werign some tall leather boots and a skiirt bc he is GAY to trace and wants to be so girly for him.  
“fuk off die” crowbear extrapolated angrily at die.  
JUST THEN THE SCHOOL BELL RANG and spads slick rode off angrily on his motercycle to sciencde class and die walked broodingly off to french class even thoh he was from french so he already spoke it but with a british accent becuz hes fncy also becase it truend trace on  
“crowbar” trace muttered. “we should get somewhere more privete  
“WHAAA” crowbar blush and made a little anime noise “bbbut wut about DIE????0”  
trece reached out and ran his hand over crpwbars /realy brite gingery reddish hair. “die does no have to know” he considers solemnly  
JUST THEN die came out of the french class room “HOLLY SHIT” he yodeled. he was coming tyo get his french book even though he never forgets anything because hes a genius but good thing he forghot it bc now he nows that TRACE IS CHEATING  
he snarls like a very angery wild animal that is attacked by a wild pig, and then he jumps over the lockers and atttacks the nastyy cowbra that is stelin his super hot and not nerdy at all rad boyfriend  
he smacks crowbars pallid pale freclked face and looks solemnly at trace “do you…………. still love me?” he has tears in his pale grey eyes and is crying because he DID THE DO WIYH TRACE OVER TEH SUMMER  
trace is about to anser him when snowman the 8ITCH comes out of the classroom she is being reallly bitchy in. “well hello you two boys” she muses considerably in a sexy voice. “can i…. help you? “  
die glares at her and reaches for the knive he keeps in his hoodie pocket next to the drugs but trrace gives him a look ad he puts his dagger back.  
“MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL JUST GET TO CLASS AND LEARN” booms a voice from berhind them. that voice is ….. Clover!!!  
clover is an a+ student and he never ever got bad grades in middle school! hes always teeling crowbar and trace what to do and hes super polite and Mr. Quarters’s teachers PET wink wink  
(Quarters is the french teacher but hes actually better at speaking italian bur with a french accent because french accents are SECKSY he also makes a lot of puns but in FRENCGH) But there is a secret about clover and that secret is he i actually really super str8 for snowman and they are in LOVE.  
“hello my love” says snowman to clover seductively. just then Mr Quartees storms into the hall and yelps, “EVERYBODY BACK TO CLASS RIGHT NBOW PLEASE”  
crowbar, teace, snowamn (8ITCH), clover,spodes, and trace all go back 2 class. clvoer winks at Mr. Quarters as he goes back to class.  
in class there are lots of other people. itchy (the reall lame cool gamer kid who ALWAYS loses to crawbro at mlg pro gamers) is sitting in his desk and trying to write his name in the blood of his enemies but he cant because hem doesnt have enemies for the blood. but die has like fifty enemies and uses theyre blood to write in all the time bc hes a broodi gothhic kid  
.  
anyway die was in the back ofg the class writing francy french things in french in blood but not french blood. he frowns broodingly as he writes really sick poems to trace about how mjuch he is in love with him and whats to have babbys with him even tho he cant bc they are both gay and boys  
“OK CLASS” said Professor QUArters “does everybody have there permission slip for the field trip today??”  
“AW SHIT” said die who had forgotton his persimmon slip AGAIN/. he decided to write his moms signature in blood and mr quarters believed it because dies parents aree super rich and can probably afford to right in blood for everything  
“Ok class as you all know we are going to the movies to watch 50 Shades Of Gray ”  
“MORE LIEK 50 SHADES OF GREEN” said crowbar wjhp was always weaering green like everybody elkse because it is the school uniform. except for snowman who was too bitchy to where it and just wore a tught leather black dress that made her boobs look really pointy and sometimes clover would get caught astaring at them by his teahcer boyfriend during French class but also math class because math is really boring  
everyone got on the bus except die who sneaked off to the movies on slicks motorcycle which he stole from the shortstacky greaser kid.  
the bus ride was long and boring like Mr quater’s dick whih is why clover was str8 4 snowman  
anywway when they got to the movie trace sat between die and crowbar and they started watching the movie vbut trace saw a BOOBIE and got uncomfortable if you know what i mean  
so he went to the bathroom and left die and crowbar alone. crowbar looked rto die solmely  
“die… i… rlly think youre cute… i like goth boys” said cowbar attractigely  
“Omg.” said die seriously and leaned in to kiss him trying not to get his black lipstick all over crowbars pale skin  
“Ha ha, Gay.” chortled Snowman. she had clover in her lap and was pettng him like he wqas or small dog or rabbit or somthing, but sexier.  
trace came out of the bathwroom and screamed when he saw die and crowbrakissing like they were in lover with ech other which they were not because they were lovign HIM  
“oh my fucking god” said fin who had been sitting in the back row alone because he was not in love with trace after they broke up in 5th grade, 5 because fins hat lol  
“YOU ARE MAKING IT OUT WITH MY BOYFRIEND” shrieks Tracce as he vaults ove the chairs and lands on them. but not in a sexual way because they already did that last night  
“holy fuck trace” crowbar purrs seductively. “i didn’ know yo could scream like that” He smirks. “Oh wait i did, haha”  
die blushes through his white skin at that sexual joke. or maybe it wasnt a joke which would make him angry. anyway he reachers for the knive in his pocket but acciently grabs the drug and thors the drug at crowbar  
“DIE THAT IS ENOUGH” proclaimed mr quarters from the front of the theater. he stood up and his shadow covered a boobie even though he is skinny  
“YEAH YOU KIDS BEST KNOCK IT OFF” chimed stitch who is like 30 but still in highschool because he killed a man during his junior year. he is young and handsome tho with spiky blonde hair and emerald bright green eyes thatsparkle like pine needles in the son  
“nyehhh” growls Nepeta threatenindly. she is a boss ass bitch  
“ENOUGH ” doc scratch belows, stepping through the movie screen because he is scratch and he does what he wants and he is also the porincipal of Midnight City High School which is where Crowbar, Trace, Die, Fin, and the bitch go  
“oh my GOF” yelled die who is scared of nothing but hes scared of doc scratch because he gfot detention for doing drugs in the locker room  
“I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU BOYS THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT” Doctor scratch schreeched  
“what is it” siad crowbar  
“YOUR PANRETS ARE ALL DEAD except for dies becayse his parents died befpre he was born and are ghosts and a ZOMBIE APOCOLYPSE is happening outside!!!!”  
everyone gasped except for die who started laughing evilly. The plan has work.


	2. The Plan Has Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Die makes a valiant effort to save his lovers from the attack he caused. Beta read by Emily "Faerie-Em."

“oh my gof...” whispered itchy seriously as the theater feel silent. he took off his hard hat that he worse everywhere because he was scared of vbricks fallign on his head. it was a mistake.

meanwhile die was still laughing evilly under his breathe because he was……………….. ACTUALLY THE ONE WHO CAUSED THE ZOMBEIS. crowbar runs to the door to escapew beacause hes alittle scardy cat and a ZOMBIE OPEN THE DOOR!!! the zombie is thew man that DSTITCH KILLED with his thumb

“i.. thought you loved… me… stich” the zombie grumbloaned  
stitch screms  
the zombie is actually matchsticks who died when stith aset him on fire with his thumb but they were in yaoi love before he died. they sexed 9 whole times because stitch.

the zombiematch attacks crowbae and tries to eat his brain  
trace jumps in the way to save his babe but die jumps in the way of him to save both of his babes and they end up falling together sand kissing. all 3 of them excepot for ythe zombie because thats gross.

the zombie attacks and grabs stitch and begins to drag him off to who knows where but ti was probably bad because of reasons that involve a lot of brain eating. and not sex anymore because matchstickss’s hot yaoi body is all gross now.  
“We must evacuate children” belowed Dr. Scratch. everyone started sceeaming and running everrywhere except for nepta vbecause she is a boss ass bitch

stith strated to scream bcuz the zombie of his ex lover was taking him away so he took his thumb and mashed it into the zombies head and crushed it’s brain bcause fuck that.  
trace got his tongue out of crowbars mouth long enough to scream like a baby and he ran for another exit and he pulls die with him because he still loves die but they obviously cant be in a polyamorous relationship because those dont fiucking exist  
die cackles like a chicken that just found a shitload of corn. “hahahaha,” he giggles. “you cannot escape them, they all know where you are. he is very happy and not sccared of the sombies at all bc why would you be scared of something that was your fault, that’ just fucking dumb.  
die commands his zombie army to eat EVERYONE in the threater ecept for his lovers treace and crowbar but then he realizes thet he must CHOIOSE becayse polyamory is a myth and bush did 9/11

the zombies shuffle towards everyone in that weird zombie attack shuffle that is so slow that anyone could escape it except no one can for some reason. everyone screams except for doze because he’s literally so slow he’s still in last week.  
die grabs his lover CROWBAER and runs and he chooses crowbar because he has super pale skin and thats really really hot ok  
trace has long legs though so he can run on his own wityh his super muscular long legs but he galres at die and crowbar because he is jealosy

stitch meanwhile decides to kill all the zombies because he is strong and muscular and has killed a man before so it’s no problem.  
anyway die crowbar and truce pile into dies slick convertible (get it?) that a zobie had drove up to the froint of the threatre to them since zombies are nice to die because he brought them back to life/death with his voodoo powers  
the threesome (NOT THAT KIND OF THREESOME XD ) drive off to dies super fancy mansion  
“holy fucking fuck” ejaculated trase as he walked inside of the giant mansion house.

“hot damn” considers crow. “too hot.” the mansion house is like the white house, only bigger and with more butlers. but all of the butlers are vampires becausae thats just another kind of dead thing die has voodoo powers over! the vampires were also all shirtless and everyone was really sweaty bercause theyre all SUPER GAY  
and snowman died by a zombie because nobody likes her and shes a bitch  
Die giggles. “oh, it’s realy hot, just you two wait.” he laughs again, like a hyena this time, and tells the other two to get inside the mansion b4 the zomboos come for them.

He shoves his pale black hair out of his pallid, cold, empty, *malicious face and leads the way inside the cold, dark, mansion that is full of bugs and spiders which are technically not bugs but their hella fuckign creepy anyway so whatevs  
“bonjour~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~” said one of the hot butlers as die walked by feeling his musclesses. he led the way to his special scary VOODOO room, but once he got inside………………………………………………………………………………. GASP! it was SNOWMAN, the ZOMBIE, but without CLOTHES so you cold see the ZOMBIE TIDDY  
of course nobody likes her becuase hers a dfucking boitch and theyre all cgay so NO ONE CARED but there wasstill tiddy

“....hello, little boys,” the NAKED ZOMBIE murmers silently to them. “I am here now and you can be in love with me like everyone is”

everyone sCREAMS except 4 die, who giggle uproaraciously   
everyone looks out the window and snowman turns really fast to look and her tiddy jiggles. it makes that anime sound effect like _WUMWUMWUMW_  
there is a CLIFF outside because die lives next to a cliff! and……… on the edge of it is…….. FIND OUT NEXT CHAPTER


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Quarters disproves the baseless accusation that his dick is boring. Contains some hot yaoi lemon lime soda, if you do not approve, do not read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one night, incredible!

  
and……………………………….. on the edge of the cliff is………………………………………………………………………………………………….. SPUDS SLICK  
he is revving his super cool MOTERSYCLe

“get in, losers” he explains. “we’re going shopping”  
all of them bust through the fucking window and snowamdns tiddy giggles a bit more like WUMWUMWUMWwum and they all pile into his MOTERCYCLE  
snowman gets left behind though because dhes a bitch but she finds clover who is sooper str8 for her and they make out and then she bites clover and eats him bc shes a fukcin zomBITCH

“clover, i love u” she whispers in a huskey and sexy but really bitchy voice

clover says nothin bcuz he is DED  
and in teh distance…. under the cliff…….. a voice sounds out into the midday darkness….  
“o….m….g….” says ms paint who is the person at the bottom of the cliff if youyre dumb and couldnt tell. “u r such a bitch…….. lets make it out…. wink….. tehehe…. he….”  
snowman jumps off the cliff and obviously her titties jigg.e on the way down (WUMWUWMWUMWUWMWUMWUWUMWUMWUMWUMWUMWUMW WUM) and ms paint blushes because thats HOT but shes still a nbitch tho  
they start making HAWT YURIS because snowman is a bitch and all the guys are gay and snowman is a bitch  
they think about having THE SEX but they cant becauwe theuyre both GIRLS with BOOBS and STUFF and theyre aslso bitches  
so all they fuckign do is sit under the cliff and have hot makout and wait for the rock to fall on them bc thats what fucking happens when you sit under a fucking cliff  
anyway……… mr quarters walks up because he happened to be in the nightboerhood.  
“what the fuckity fucking fuck fuck fuck is happening here you two people” he growls  
“ohhhhhhh! im srry professor we were just making out do you wantto join sir~~~?” conjectures ms paint

“that is most innapropriate and i should tell your panrets but doctor professor scratch saisd that they are dead so i suppose it does not matter if i make it out with you two young ladies” yodeled quarters  
“except not me bbecause i am a undead zombie and am rotting and shit and that is gross” screams snowman  
BUT every part of her was rotting except for the TIDDY because shes a bitch and everyones  gay so it doesnt matter if the tiddy is there anyway!!!! ms paint thinks its SUPER HOT and its good that shes IN LOVE WITH SNIOWAMN because all of the boys are super hella gay and probably sucking dick as we speak!!!! (in fact they actually are. all of them. even stitch, who is currently killing zombies)  
JUST THEN ms paint and the snowman started making out again and mr. quarters joined  
MEANWHILE, AT THE MALL WHERE THE BOYS ARE ALL SHOPPING  
“we should like totally go to hot topic because they sell skinny jeans and im gay so i wear skinny jeans and youre all gay too so you wear skinny jeans now” die professed  
“what a brilliant idea!!!!” accused crowbar  
“oh my fucking god” said fin  
“i don’t like that idea” sighs trace seductively  
“WHY NOt i thought you loved die and me and die!!?” specified crowbar

“okay but i do but skinny jeans are terrible take them off right now” observed trace  
die took off his pants for his lover like he has at least 9001 times before all those times they had raunchy hot yaoi gay hot sexy sex. sexy sex in the butt.

Trace cakles and immediately teals the skinny jeans and puts them on on over his long and ugly pants. “hhahaha, i am the alpha now” he applauds

(AN: THIS MAKES CROWBAR THE BETA AND DIE THE OMEGA, AND ONE OF THEM IS GOING TO GET PREGGERS WITH WOLF BABIES IN A FUTURE CHAPTER!!! : 0!!! they dont have vaginas though b/c theyre BOYS obviously)

die screams n fear and falls to the floor because he feels really upset at losing his spot at alpha with the skinny jeans to fucking loverboy traccs

trake laughs again and turnes his evil and rapturous gaze on die so that he can fix him in his eveil stare.  
anyway even though we turned away from the cliff for 2 seconds…………. SOMEBODY THERE IS ALREADY PREGGERRS!  
its actually QUARTERS whop got pregnant by his boyfriend……………...egg. egg is the smartest student in the school and teahcer mr quarters thinks thats HOT  
so is bisquick but nobody gives a flying fuckity fucking damn about bisquick becausr thats a gross fucking muffin man mix  
anyway quarters steps away from the hot sexy steamy hot seductive sexy hot yuri because hes GAY as hell and was kidding about making out with the girls because they’re bitches and girls are gross and already together because theyre perfect for eacho5ther and no other reason  
  
suddenly egg rides up in his swagmobile and sweeps quarters off his feets to go have hot hot hot hot yaois sex even tnought quarters is already pregannt but hes not fat because his pregnancy is magical  
bisquick sheds a tear in the distance but quarters sees this and invites him in because quarttees is a a nice man and they have a hot yaoi threesome, so hot that it could fry………. an eg  
and it does because eggs dies from being yaoid too hard in the butt  
“oh no” bisquick screams in a loud voice. “he is dead!”

quartsers does a shurg and takes egg to be cremated becz he always wanted to fry an egg  
but….. EG’S ASHES RISE UP AND BECOME AN EGG ZOMBOE

**but… can he still have hopt hot egg frying yaoi gay buttsex? FIND OUT IN CHAPTER 4!!!!**


	4. True Love's Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plot twist comes our way as our hero finds himself in peril.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated with love to xXxxXBigGayMLGInTheButt696969XxxxXxX.

“oh my fucking god” said fin

the eg zombie comes for MR. quarters and bisquicks all growly and bloody and stuff and it looks like hes going to eat them but he actually kisses BISQUICK on the MOTUH  
bisquick screams but then he kisses eg back lik wit all the sOOPER YOAIS

quartes is impessssed and he flexes all lik a bara wit bara muscells and bara tiddies which are liketiddy but made of MUSCEL

“eg i luv u wit all my liver and not me hart bc my liver is for alcohol and egg” mumbles quate

EXCEPT mr. quarters does not smoke the alcohal because he is a teacher and teachers are good people just like The Polices are good people always  
eg blushes and macks it out wit qreatesa and biskiqu at the SAM tIME bc he is a zombb an he is just tHA GOOD whih is why he has 2 boifriands to mack out wit (except not really b/c polyamory is a myth)

JUST THEN craebrae, dye, and tricks, ALL pile in the door and jump on them

“QUICK THE SOMBOOS ARE GETTIGN US” track extrapolates

“they have escapped my VOODOOS control” fears die as he clutches his VOODOO MAGICKS close bc he is scared

“wtf” screams crowbrand  
nobody knows where slick even went but we’re pretty sure hes a zombie now (in fact he is their leader now SHHH dont tell!! hehe he!!!!)  
die starts cakling again because there is blood everywhere and his emotionless and dark soul thinks thats fuckijg HIARLIOSUS  
Just then doc scruff swings in from a stripper pole because he is doc scrufftch and can do what the fuck he wants kind of like bill cipher  
he fucking rips the stripper pole out of teh ground and starts kicking undead ASS with it and he winks at mr. quarters while doing so because he is also super gay and a gay stripper who is gay  
quarters wonders if mr dr scruff is gay  
now that everyone is in the room (exept 4 clover bc hem is DED and sniwmin bc she s a BTCICH) the is somuch gay and so much zombe that is it is relly fuckin hard to coecentrate bc there is just so much GAY  
there is so much gay that there clothes all dissapear and their dingle dangles are swinging around but not as much as snowmans tiddy

“oh my fucking GOD” said fin.  
“this is most innappropriate. i have to go to churhc in 5 minutes so i do not think i sjould be the naked” doctor quarters epressed

ithy appears out of nowhere becz of fucking SKIILLLZ “hell yeah i got starbukcz” he whispers in total exsitment

“hell yeah hell fuckign yhea gimme the cofffeee” says crawbro and he steals the coffeee from itchy and drinks it and eats the fucking coffeee cup bc hes jus do fudgy fuckin hungry and so RANDOM like that heehee lol.  
“holy fucking noodles” crowbar phonated.  
but… just as he said noodles… he remembered…  
that he has been in a comma this entire time and trrace never truly loveed him  
he wakes up in the hostpitial  
“oh my fucking god” says the doctor qho is doctyor scruff  
crowbar doesnt remember how the fuck he got into a comma but hes pretty sure that………. DYE was involvoed  
“whut…… whut hapend” he groans in a weak yet sexy voice

**“DEI cursed you….. spacifically, your chin… and you fell into a deep sleep and only TRUE LOVE’S kiss could wake u because he used voodoo magic” narrated doctor scrucfuchtc.  
  
but…. who kissed crowbars’s chin and broke the curse…? FIND OUT NERXT CHAPTER!**


	5. This Chapter is For My Mom Who Doesn’t Approve of Gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is For My Mom Who Doesn’t Approve of Gays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is For My Mom Who Doesn’t Approve of Gays

This Chapter is For My Mom Who Doesn’t Approve of Gays

“but….who kissssssssed me?” crowbar growl

doctor scruffy notices crowbar. “it is a mystery” he expresses gravely. everyone gaps in HORROR becz this isHOORRIFY

“so all we know is that i was passing out when the zombrieas attakced and then we all died and i woke up here?” crowbar demands

“yes. that is completely accurate and very true and right in evry WAY” whispers doctor match considerably.  
“WAIT i remember it because my amnesia just got cured!” sings docotr scratcj  
“it was……………. HAIRDRYER” (hairdryer is my fanfelt #16 she is rainbow hat and the only girl felt)

everyone GAPS at this SHOCKING PLOT TWISTS (hehehe , SO good uwu)  
JUST THEN hairdryver burts into the room, screming  
“CRIWBAR MY LOIVE I HAVE RETURNED FOR THOU!!!! :3”  
her kitty cat ears twitched because she is neko but noit a furry  
“hairdryver…. bby … i love u...”  
DUCTOR SCRATCH decides to leabe abd give them some alone time wink winkle  
“youve been in a comma for six montyhs crowbar~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~” she purrs sensitivually  
she glimpses at tge bowl of fruit on the bedside… specificallyu…. the lmens..  
she winks very suggestivesly t the lmoms…… “hey… craybro…. it seems we are… alone. and dting”

craybrae screms loudly. “but…. I am GAY!” he articulates  
“sshhhh bbay… its ok…. i wont tell n e 1.”

crowbar sniffles.  
juts then, hairdryver picks up 2 of the lemons and hands one to crowbar and they rub lemons together but except they ARE trhe lemons  
“HOLLY SHIT~~” lemon #1 purrs seducively  
“oh my fucking god” said fin.  
“( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)” moaned lemon #2

bc hey were NOT aone in teh hspitial room, evy1 else scremmmed and ran  
except nepeta because she is a boss ass bitch. nepter just fukcign chilled  
this happened until one of the lemon rinds broke and they got lemon pregnent  
SPEAKING OF PREGNENT, just then mr QUAERTERS rushed into the hostial,,, HE WAS ABOUT TO HAVE HIS BABY

“holy fuckign shitty shitty shit” he grumbled. bc he was in PAIN  
excsept he still wasnt fat bc the baby is magfical and he still have a hot yaoiz body  
“EVERYONE OUT OF THE GODDAMN WAYY!!!!!!!” dr scruatch hypothesized continually  
the lemons who are crowbar and hairdyer dtop rubbing together all sexyily and gte out of the way so quarters can have his BABY  
“FUCKING FUCK IM FUCKING DYING FUCKING HELP FUCk” conceded mr. quartes painfulyl because he was still in pain  
everyone gasp because mr .qauerts is really proper and noone ever heard him swear  
nobody really knows how he had the baby because he didnt have a v*gina but his pregnancy was magical so lol  
and then bc of magick stuffs, the babbbby was suddenlt BORN and it awas REAL and dressed in a tiny suit. it was a bootifull bab. mr quatrand name it cans but evvry1 called it ???????? for short, bc it was JUST that cute!!!!

Quatresa cries, big soft tears and very sad and soft tears and everyone is very happy but not mt. quarterzz bc his notvagina hurts and he is sad bc he doesnt want a baby bc he wantsed to be footlos and facnyfree FOREVAAA but he cant bc he hast a bby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is For My Mom Who Doesn’t Approve of Gays


	6. Chapter Dei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quarters introduces his new baby to his students and Hairdryer makes a return. A dark secret is revealed.

Chapter DYE

babi canz (??!???) were the greatest and farest of all da landz, with booty to rivel even snowmans tiddy 2 a str8 men. but he wes only a babbbby so he coudnt do anythin so mr qreates luvvved him so much and it was prefect but mr qaretes also hated him so he choos 2 tak babbbbbbb ?????? to wor wit him and make him hate his tinny lyfe  
“HOLLY SHIT u hav a babby!0” crowbarn contentdned as he entered the school on the monday morning  
“yes……… and i am not the only one who has a baby child” said mr quaetes bc he knew thta crrowbar made the lemon with hairdryfer

See but canS (???!!!!) was a pur babbbby who luoved every1 an even SKOOL which was HOORRIBEL so he smiled and mr ferdinanainendiandiandidno qcortez frowned. but then he began to strated teeechin an everyone lisened but not bc he was scaarey but bc he was a nice man and he relle cnnnanded atenshun lik that

cut crowbrant dint listen bc he was cryin

but y?????

bc he thogt Tracccs LUVVED him but it wuz all just a dream and he was relley upset  
and bc he got hairdryer pegnant even though he was gay but she was really really special anbd also a rainbow hat which is pretty fucking gay  
anyway haridyer walks out of her locker seductively  
“heeeeyyyyy bracrow~~~~~~~~” she says sedutcively as she touches his face wit her hadns in a total sedutively way“do you want to do……….. things?”  
“mm…. well… u could… lmon with me again” crowbar sang  
“but!!! i am already pregoes!” she begggs

JUST THEN die jumps with all his VVOODOO MAGICKZ. “Crawfish” he screams “i thot u luvved me” he is crying and tears are falling from his eyes but not smugin his gothic makup bc he uses sealer stuff like that  
the lights start flickering bc of his VOODO MAGI C. “IT IS A curse” he commented adamently  
“the only way u can break it…. is by….. hAVING THE SECKS WITH ME!!!!!1111111”  
(secks is different from sex btw, cause secks can only happen in the butt which is all they have because they are boys and boys do not have v*ginas)

crowbrae did a fron. “okay, but i do not lik u any moar bcz u CURSED my CHIN bcU were hells of jellys for me”  
“but crwobar… … .. .. .. . . .. . . . . . . …. . . . . .  . .... ……………………………………… we can have the hat sex”  
“the…. hat sex??”  
“no teh hate sex i spelled that wrong XD” die proposed becuz he is random!!!lol RAINBOWSS  
“NO” then clovre swooped in bc he wuzn’t relly ded bc that wu a dreme and then he sohuted “hat sex is 4 LOSERS so don’t do it and also i need to find mah hot yuri laddy snowman so where is she”   
besides clover is very innocent like a fetus and never has the sex EVAH  
craubrau scoffs. “no u jus dont get t bc ur hella sr8 4 sn8m8n 8nd u l8v h8r and thats dumb”

trics laffs “yeah and ur really fuckign dumb fo fuck of fo real qand die bc ur srt8 an no on likes u”

“Oh my fucking god” said fin

“and anyway….” trice wispers “u shud have the hate sex wit me bc i hat u”

candbrew shudders and smiles bc it looks lik evvryon wants 2 hav the hot yoasi wit hin  
“heh heehehehe” he says bc he is in luv wit track but track HATES him so none needs 3 find out

tracesss smile at him.

his teeth are sharp and pointed lik a bare except nothing like a brae bc they are the wron kind of sharp.

Crandberry did a gaspu. (:0 ) “....are u a vampire” he wants tracles to b a vampire bc those are hell hot

“..........no. but i am a……………..”

pls be a vampire pls be a vampire

“WERESHARK!!!!!!” trace hinted  
GASPU

**  
but will thr WERESHARK kill everyone??????????????? NEXT CHHPTRE TO FIN D OUT!!!!!**


	7. Chap7er Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A peak into Crawfish's history, the story of how he met Die.

Chap7er 7 Crowbar Croawbar Crawbraw Crrillchar Crrandbrew Crubro Crewcut  
  


chimichanga was late for his 1st day of high school!! he runs out the door witha piece of toast inhis mouth and then he realizes that it ias saturday and july!!!  
caboodle signs and goes back inside to his bedroom to go to bed  
waiting in his bed for him is…. CRESCENDO! wait, WHHAAAT?  
“hwo cAb you be me if i am me?” crabapple conjectures. the other him had the same pale skin, skinny slender twink body, feckles and bright orange hair.

the other crebnoodle winks, “it was…….. eg.” (hows THAT for a plot twist ;;D)

“?????” cranberry i confused. “...whut...was eg…….”

the other candlestick smills widelyand whispre “it was eggggs…. TIM EMAGIC…… i am her frum the fUTRE”

crillmaw does a gaspu. “then whut. was i doing in the future”  
“u get…. MERRIED 2 tripledy… but… only if you play yor cards rught… or i should say,,,, yiyr balls. like, pool balls. you perv”

JUST THEN ANOTHR chocula runs into the room. “AM I TOO LATE” he wonders politly   
“ur never 2 late… fof lov.” he interpolated opulently

cardiac #2 claps. he is wearing a bathrobe that is as blue a bluebird eatgng a blueberry that was coloured wit a blue marker and a blue crsay\on all at once

crashdummy no. 1 frowons. “but wut is GOIGN ON”

chillbitch #4 rolls out from under the bed, he smiles sverry sductivelly

crocodile #five brusts into yhe window on his helicoper b/c he is fromthe FUTREUA whe3re everything is neon and the girls are green and the grass is tiddy

the FIRST curby scremms. bcuz he is sooper terror, but then he realizes there ARE SIX OF HIM IN THE ROOM (num#er 6 fell frum the CEILING after he was tryign to be SPIERSPOOF.)  
cubbyhole #7 is kind of old like stitch so he is deprate 4 treh yaoiz cause trace alerady die4d so he crawls out of the toilet and crawled 2 cornfield’s room to have the sex with all of the boiys  
“i am here” he enumerates rapidly  and conditionally

the first crawbro is confusion butthen he shrugs b/c why the fukc not and he is READY to do some…. lomen thigns. after all, noone is in luvvers again wit him so he is fotloose and fanctyfree  
they all take their green chartruse clothes off and start touching all of the dicsk wit their dicks  
“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” narrated all of the cellophanes evenescantly  
“oh my fucking god” said fin  
cerebellum looks up into the window after they arre done making seks

_When you cried, I would wipe away all of your tears..._

  
the summer clouds are shinign in the wind ow and making their pearly pasty vanillea pale pallid colourless white pectoral skin shine especially because they are all sweaty from having the sexy sexy secks sex and they are all very tired and secksy

~♥~ _When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears…~_ ♥~

__

“hopy shit...” diverges cow barn  
. he is realizing just how cold and dark the world is EVEN IF there are SEVEN og him in the ROOM wit him and he is so happy bc he is so alone an not along at the same tim an d the word is fuckign ridickulous

~♤~ _And I held your hand through all of these years..._ ~♤~ 

 

and then he screms b/c his FATHER, DIEMOND DICK, is in the room but evvryone is nakked and there ARE 7 of him and it is SCARY so he SCREMS

  
  
~♦~ _But you still have all of me..._  ~♦~  
  


“what the fuck is going on here in hel” dickish dad configurates in a ded tone of voice, ded bc he htes life and he has smotions lik a rock

  
~♣~ _You used to captivate me..._ ~♣~

Crowfish blushu. “it is nothing, my father, it is just me in this rioom and you” which is pretty true except for that there are 7777777 of him

diemonds frowns. “i’m sorry but i do not quite believe you, son. you need to tell me what you are doign right now and rihgt away”  
corndog screams “I WAS HAVIJNG THE SEX I AM VERY SORRY”

  
⚀⚁⚂~ _By your resonating light…~_ ⚃⚄⚅  
  


Diemonds Dad gaspps. “Son… you’re…. a homo-sexual… I can not beleive it...”  
Diemonds dad sauys this all ijn his biritsh accent because all fancy people are british and he is a fancy people  
coolfridge cries “i am sorry dad dad…. i…. didtn’ want you to find out like this………… but yes. i am super hells of gays”. he is very upset so he decides to run away from home.  
the 6 other cowbells poof back into the future as camaraderie #1 dissapars into teh woods crying crytsl blue tears that is as blue a bluebird eatgng a blueberry that was coloured wit a blue marker and a blue crsay\on all at once

**and it was there…… that he met…. DEI**


	8. Into The Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We don't know what's happening anymore.

Chapter BITCH

and it was on tihs fin day in history that SPUDS SLICK decided to go 4 a looon walk on his MOTOTCYCLE to go c if he can laugh at some fuckign losers. but he was in the forest and what kind of loser hangs around in the forest? answer: the worst loser, bcuz forets are LAME and only nerds wit packbacks go there becuz their LAME  
“well would y’ look a’ ‘em fukin’ trees” he growls in a scrtchy voice, like he’s just been garglin wit rocks 4 the past 22 yrs nonstop  
anyway he accidently crashes his tree into a motercycle becsye hes drunk like hes always is  
“whhoops,” he commemorates. “looks like i didn’ plan a’ead like i alwayys do b'c i NEVE’ plan a’ead a’ all”  
just then he sees,,,,, in the forestr…. CROWNBAR AND DEI!!!  
he gapss. thi is…… the perfect opprutuntity to BULLY some NERDS bc all he ever does is BULLY NERDS  
“wh’ th’ fuck d’ ya’ think yer doin’???” he suggested at the two homo-sexuals.  
they were full of fear from him, spider slack, bc they were beign GAY and NERDS and also homo-sexuals and he was also a BULLY wif STABS  
die pushed up his anime glasses “mr slick sir please do not bother us we were simply kissing and things of that romantic nature”

spuds slick laughs, like a hyena and sort of like a frog. “yeah, looks t’me like yer tryin’ t' a’void bein’ stabbed by m’stabs an’ also yer both n'rds hahahaha losers”  
crotchbar yells. “excuse you i am busy losing my virgility here give us some privacy”  
but slik dpoes nbot do as he is told bcause he is a REBELL  
“yer fuckin’ gay y’ kno’ dat righ’???” implored Mr. Stick  
crowbae gasps in horror. “WHAT I AM NOT GAY HOW CUD I EVAH B GAY NO WAY” he is so upset and he starts to cry becauseb eing gay is siper bad and Diemonds Dick alreadyt yelled at hhim for it  
but crunkbar was actually super gay!!!!  
he was the gayest, so gay, anwit no room for any girls at all bc thats how fuckign gay he was.

but slikedy spak just laughed at him some more and then pulled out a pack of smokes bc he is a chain smoker that always smokes bcz thats just what he does but he didnt have any fire to lite the five cigs he stuck in his mouth with. so he decides 2 b very angreh and stab everythign bc he doesn have a liter to fuel his addiction  
he gwtes so angry that physics sdtops working and his cogratetts spontaneously combust and he takes a dragseductively blowihng (not that kind of blowing hehehe) smok into the nite air/. the moinlight makes his pale skin and ginger haier shine like pine needles in the moonlight

dye is very angry bc spides sluck insulted his boifriedn so he just fuckin jumpo on sllick and starts beetijg the shit out of him with his fists because he may be scrawny but he’s actually readlly strong even though he eats a lot of candy kind of like that one emo anime detectiv man  
he beats strick up andf blood flies from his eyes because he is crying from getting beaten upo and he is crying blood

  
“oh my fucking god” said fin

die laughs evilly bc he is actually EVIL (gaspu!!!) and he beats slacks up some more until he is begging for merci

“nooo die, pls stop” meows croonnoodle “he is sooo cool and sooo amazing like that guy off the frosted flakes box”  
but die does not stop clawing at rtghe man because he is very evil and ninja like the cats from the shadow clan which are watchigng from the bushes but nto sayighn anythihgf beause they are CATS  
(except for nepitea cause she uis a boss ass bithc and from thunderclan anyway)  
slick decides to use his ULTIMITE WEAPON………….. the STABS

he stabs die with a knife that is amost a sword and then he laughs and gets up bc DIE is STABBED. he still has all 5 cigaroots hagning from his mouth bc he is SPUDS SLICK and that is the way that he works  
crabbar gets all doki orer slicih beig so manyl and hand some  
but slikc does not care bc he has bigger fish to fry nd by fish we mean diemond  dick and by fry we mean start a gang because he needs a gagn bc he is a bully. so he drives away on his mototototrcycle and dadnaps dad diamond and then starts a new gang and is happy forever bc he hs a gang now  
 **but.,...Will DEI survive BEATIGN THE CRAP OUT OF SOMEONE?????????? FIN D OUT NEX CHAPTER ????..  
**


	9. The Lost Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I actually forgot to add this chapter.

chapter nein  
  
and now….. for a character we didn’tmention in AGGES…………. STACKS  
stiches musclesrippdle as he ran thgrough the evning son on his hoers. the sky was black becuz it was dark and also nite, and it was very windy and made his long hair move around in the wind  
his hair wasg blond and beautful liek the rain shingig in the synlught  
where was he goin? well, it is a mystey

JK LOL he was goign to save the LOVE of hsi LYFE……… HURTS BOXVARS  
hartys was very musculer just like stich and when they met eachother under the monlight thet both took of theyre shirts and started looking at echtohers swaty muyscles  
theyt were reaLLY Sshinty from tyeh rain and the synlight  
“wow…. you have RELLY nice mussels” mumbles hyets brucars as he glared at stitcs musclly muscles. “how did u get them lik that”

stitch smiled a very frendly smile and ten he leaned in really close and screamed softly in to boscarses ear “i do a lot of killin peeps wit this thumb here” and then he showed bracars the thumb and boxcream was so amaze by the thumb  
boxvars loves the tumb so damn mucg that they ghad sex but with the tuhmb insted  
and then, AFTER

sticks contrapulates to the other rally bara bara “....hey”

“hey”

“so….”  
jut then they qwalk up rto crobwar and die who were till makighn it out   
die gtes a bluhs bc he loves HOT BEEFY MEATY SWEATY  HOT MUSCULER BARA HUNKY SHINEY MENNNNNNNN  
and die eSPESHULLY LUVS it when a bara men is very sweeta and kind and thougt ful lik stickses is bc then its like the whole package and even when their gay which EVERYONE is (except for clover but it doesnt matter bc he is ded)

die fluttered his eyes and said seduticevly “hey there, you boyz”

and then starch gets very angry and says in a loud voice “i am not a boy i am a man except i am not verry old bc i’m only like, twenty.” he is very young but also very STRONG and everyone loves him. even mr quarters, bc that is the resson taht he is held back so much  
he is p old tjough because all of the other charasters are 13 bc this is homestuck  
anyway it is then that hreats baracars gets RELLY overproetecetive and he growls at dei lik a relly angreh dog and growls “no, this is my boifriend get your own OH WAIT you alreddy HAVE yur own so fuck off”  
cleary iths is the onlky solution except for a 4soem bc 4some s can haopen but polyamoruy is still a MYTH and bush did 9/11  
  
Anyway then stich decides that he’s done wit this shit bc he’s all cool like that so he desides to escape this idiot place and leave breacars to his moosey fate (moosey bc there is a moose in the bushes lyign in wait) it is very sad and he vries bc he is a nice person and this is a very upsetting thign but he has to do it anyway bc this is 4 the GRETER GOOD  
  
“im here tro kill you eh” says thye moose but justr then, neptera the thumbverclan cat jumps out ofthe fucking bushes and ilkills the moose and finalkly becomesh plot relabvent thank you neptyera  
but sitch doesnt know this bc by then he is long gone and on his way to find matchstacks, his long lost luv. but he killed matsticks with just his THUMB but he forgot so dont TELL HIM SHHHH

he goes a long long long long long long long long long long way but he never finds his long long long long long long lost luv bc he is ded and hen he remember he is very very sad and he jsut strats to cry bc he doesnt understand why evveryone good or at least sort of vaguely cool has to be ded (it’s bc they are all actually LOSERS heehee!)  
buit he tops crying because hec is a good characteer and good charters do not have trubloubles!  
so instead he just stands up and looks at the sunset with a glint of tears in his eye bc he is still pretty sad, and then he looks at the sunset and he saids in a v sad voice sadly, “this is just…. so sad, matchstitcks…. that u aren’t here”  
UT THEN a bootfiul bara boi comes crawling out of the water, with a glistening merdman tail!! he isu very howt ahnd hags spiky anine hurr  
  
that mermaidman is……… Mmmmmmmatchsnickers. bc he is abbsolutly delicious **  
**


	10. Halloween Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a special and deviates slightly from the otherwise coherent timeline of Midnight City High.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for intense violence/gore.

Chapter ten: Creppypaste… halloweener special

it was a demi lavato and horny night and the world was gilled with filled horrors and sitch was playing hus boygameoboy and he herd a noise cumming from his clpset  
but when he looked inside he saw there was nothign inside byut a few spare nerds  
so het clvse his closet and go to the back door to stair into the knight cause hes emo like teht, and the nigt was very dark and spook and there lots of bats and they were just bein spooky ans flying very goth. and also there was a lot of spiders and they crawled aroud on the ground nere stacks feet but they did not actually climb on him because he was so goth and so spook that even the spookmasters were feared  
and the night was dark like pitch. and it was also dark like the color of dei’s (not stick bc he is very much evilller then stith and that is why) it was just the sort of night that stich thouhgt that nothign wud EVER happen (but so much other sutff happen he dont even KNOW) in fact, nothing woud happen…………….yet.  
so anyway stuch just looked out very broodingly our at the night that was dark like an candle that wasnt lit (v dark) and he thought he was the shit and he was but he was also a bit of a shit too (a lot of a shir like u wuddnt beleve) and then…...no  
(everything was bplack excpe for stich cause everr1s white obvi y would htey be n e thing elsE?????)  
he goes back to his nameboy and l;oolks at the screen xcept 4 the screen is a skelton  
he scremmed V loud and the scren scremmed V loud back xept it wasn the screen anymore……. it was…………………………. matresss and he was STUC in the scren bc thats just how he was and he was also a skelton. and not only a skelton, but he was a ded slketon with………….. V BAD FASHON. but scetch did not care abut fashon so it was not a very big deal. so he just screemed about how mathstick awas in the SCREEN and also a fully grown SKELETO with TEEF and even BONES. 

it was horror

anywau the skelton chased cstich thru the felt mnaor bc it somhow managed to escapp the scren and it was also scremmin in fear biut now it was a ZOMBE SKELTO and it was tryign to EAT STICH but sadly, v sadly, stitch, the asshole, was not eateg and insted just esapped and leaved hte poor sad lonly skeleten all by himsself

just then…. jakc blalkc… which is 2 say… jack noir… crawled out of the celing wif a nife and came 4 stitcher  
he was craulin like a spyder over the ceilin and strecher screemed very lud and he was very unhappy bc he was about to get nifed by a SKELTON LOVER

 

“return…. the slab… whih is 2 say… the vidya gam… 2 gamestop...” he beeseecheed

“ neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~!” crooned sitch, cudklibg ther game that was actually a skeeltion who wqas actualy a somzibe that was actuallu match sicks

ND THEN 

OUT OF NOWEHERE

CAME THESIUND OF  
...skelefin

“oh my fucking god” said fin

anyway the game stet on fire and everyone biyrben and died except 4 evertyone was YOU and YOU is skeltorn in the game and YOU is ME and YOU wrote this

happy halloween 7-29-15


	11. Beach Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Quarters takes the class on another school trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We had a guest author this chapter! Their name is JJ, the space robot. (Aka, slimehood dot tumblr dot com.)

Chapter 11:     8eech (haha like Snow BITCH get it????)

 

so now they were all at the beech bc this was a BEACH PATRY and they all wanted to have a VERY FUN SUPER HELLS OF SO FUN TIME and crowboo was there and trice and alsso die but he was hidign under a umbrello bc the sun was scary and it woud BURN him

and also doze was in the backround but he was so slow he was like fifteen miles behind so it wood b a while b4 he cathes up

so hten cckerdoodle took out some popsicles nd was likking one deducively at dui to turn him On. but DEI was hidign from everythign and the poscle was so BRIHGT frum the sun and also from bein licked so die just dug a hole in the sand usign voodoo majyc and stayed there until winter.

traced looked looked over at cranderboodle and thoght to hmself “dAAAAAAAA *gasp* AAAAMM” (he had to gaspu :o in his head two) so whut trace id next was he decided to shimmy over and over to crapbrick and sit down beside him in the SUN but tricks was not afear of the suc bcuz he had lots of water bc he is litrally a shark

AND THEN ……….. evryone else sat next 2 crowbrand and they all watched VERRY CLOSE in case CReWBREW was doign GAY STUFF bc bein gay is illegal even tho everryone is hells of mad super gays ((it aslo got unillegalled in every usa state… #LOVE wins)) and crackerbarrel was sjust so secxy smexismesexxx

but treccy did not care bc he knew he  was so gay and he was PRIDE but he didn’t wear a rainbow bc thats r00d to rainbows. so he KISSED CROWBAR and everryone scremmed incluudign crashnut bc it was just SO GAY

and then deedee cralwed out og his whole and he was also scream with everone and he ponted at trave and intoned at trace “NO!!!!!!!!!! that is my MAN” but just then…… before he was going to probbaly rip out tracce eyes and also spleen there was s bubbble in the water.. an ominous bubble kinda like when somene farts underwater and then….

the n its happened

 

and SAWRBUCJK walks out like “hi” and then fins says the one thing (u kno the thing) and sawwbuck does a giigle bc he is so sweat and everyone love saawbuck. bc he is an actual cinnamon roll too good 4 this woldand 2 fucicng pur like what the fuck he’s an actual cinnamon roll and that’s why everon luvvs him

and so evrybody runs away from callofduty over sawbook and criminy goes :( with his melting poopsicle bc mow sawbaw has The Bitches but the Craeson also dosnt min bc then he can really make it out wit tracces now and NOONE is watcign at all so that is what he toes and there is even TOUNGE (hee hee lol)

So THEn sarback reviews at christmas tree and modulates that… “your girfriend Hairspray……. I has stolen her!” but the rest of the crew just goes aaaaaw becz thats just like a lol cat thing to say……………….. but he isnt kidding

AND THEN…………………………….. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. he RIPS OFF his wawrm an toasty sinnamon roll outside and shows that he is the ONE TRUE villain THIS HOLE TIME and evveryone GAPSS at this SHOKCIGN PLOT TWITST dun dun dunnnnn

so then die screms like relly fukign loud and he just keeps scremmin lik a police siren and its REALLLLLY LOUD and it will not stop bc he is an unstoppable force of nature bc he is DEI

 

JUST TEHn a beautiful gurl acrawls aoiut of the sang ghole that dei dug. heerr hurr is all wet from swimgingn in teh OCEAN………….. her rainbbow kitty ears twithc withexcitement  
it is,.,...............................

  
HAIRDREJHVER!!!!  
  
sawbean rips his humand stui off and it turns out rthat he is sactually a sinammon roll o the isndie and DIE is the one who kidneapped the fair hairdeyr er because DIE is EID backways  
  
“holy fucking shitty god damn fucking fucking damn golly shit!” purrs mr. quarterers who was shaperoning this shcool trip (shcool bc school is cool pls stay in school kids)  
  


it was THEN…. at thet VERY MOMENTE….. that CANS SHOWED UP

and he was verry bara and very strogn and had LOTS of musscles that were big and musslye, but he asnt to muskley that he looked gross, and everyone gaspud bc it was so amazing bc he was just SO bara…… even snowBITC, who DROWNED in the ocean bc she was a BITCHT, gaspud even tho she was str8 4 clover but it does not matter bc he is ded and so is she

 

so then baby cans verry gently and also verry baray picked up sarbook and put him on his verry massive and bara shoulders which has lots of muscles bc they were broad and bara and when he had sawbook he wanted to go into the sunset and b romantic bc he had found his 1 TRU LUV so he galloped into the sunset lik a horrse but he only had 2 legs so all he did was run really fast lik half of a horse into the sunset and him and the presh cinn roll vanishhed in2 the sunset and everyyone was very romantic and they lived happily ever after…………….

  
…………………………….OR DID THEY??????? fIND OUTT NEST CHATPER


	12. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get introduced to a character not previously mentioned, Clubs Deuce!

CHATPER tweve  
“goo goo” expresses bb cliubs deuce perfectly bc he is a smal and tiny and also preciuos babby  
cd is the snmolest bb even thougfh cans is also a babt buyt hes like 4 by now bdause time has passed but hes still bara cause lol  
“ga ga” questions cnas. cd loks shocked  
he touches casns face ver gentil and v soft and he is confusoi bc how can can spek????? it just does not make any cents and he is confuse.  
can flexes his tinny babb mucsles and he is v strong and v bara even tho he is a smol bb  
but thwere is a difrence between the 2…  
caqns does like, bad thinngs ocasionaly bc he is human but clubs duhs is a precious angle who nevr does anytihng wrtong and smells like paaaaaasta

 

JUST THHEN……

out of NOHWERES……………………………………..………….

it was TRACS,,, the WHERESHGARHK

trece the wereshrek rlly liked pasta and cd, the PREICOUS HONEY SWEETIE BABY CUTIE CUPCAKE SINNAMOBN ROOL SWEETHEART smells like pasta

(warning… for srs gore)

“i am….. v hungreh” consoles treccs, the wereshook. he is hungr, verry hungre, an also an actual shrak ecxet he is hells of more sxxier than ANY real shark and also he is hungery and there is a pastasmol n a bigger smol and they both look v tasty

 

the smols hella screm and run v fast but even tinny cazn bara leg cann not escapp the WREESHRERKS FAST SHAKLEGS  
ducks cant evven wak bc he is a smol presh babby so carne has to carry him and even tho there is some weit there is not much bcz decks is smol and preciou an lite as a FEAHTERE  
but he is stoll not fast enouff to escapp the fersom wherewho and so treces jumps on them and knocks them both to the godn and he laughs. “ha ha ha” he giggles  
“u r all my prisnors now” he configurates to teh 2 captives. and then he smills rel wide and shows his shark teeth and everyone screms  
and then……………………  
he BITS DEM BOTH and EATS THEM ALIVE and there is lots of bloodd an screemming there is also so much violence and gore and no one knows wut to do bc this is a DSASTER bc doves is teh most presh person ever so if he gets eated evverone will DIE bc that s just how precois he is  
“oh my fucking god” said fin

 

but then…….. too late……….. teh whosharp eats them both and then he stands up and he is all covverd in blood and he has relly sexy mucccles like relly bara an none nos what to do exept crowbrand and he runs over and kisses him bc blood is ver sexxy espesiallly when is on bara sharp muscles and die is rell jellousbcuz HE doesn’’’t get to maks it out wif the shrak

qnyway trec the wereshak desides 2 marry crewbra bc he played his cards rite…  
crobre from the FUTRUE is thee at the weddin n givse crpobar a wink  
but that is in te FUTR so it dossnt mattre rigt now. insted what mattresis that it is RANNNING and makign all the blood wash away bc that iss what thrain does bc is it water and water is wet and also so is blood so it washsesa it off easy  
AND THEN….. treaces reelize that he is a WERESHARK and evven tho he has leggs he still is a sharak and shaks need WATER ton breath so he runs fast as his shark legggs can carr him to the water, which is tosay, the ocean, and then he jumps in and hides in the water b4 he can brethe again which is a while

chacha cries bc his boyfriendo, nwo his hsubad… is ded

will trec the werehskarlk kill bb cans and cletus????? FINE OUT NEXT CHATPOR!!!!!!!!

anbyway cansbar cris on teh hbech 4 his ded husban but future!crowbear cums up and puts a frim habd on his shouldre  
“i new it would hppen… i was gunna warn u… ”  
but all crayfish can do is crei big ters os sads and he cn not stop at all bc he is sads


	13. One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are proud to present this special edition one-year anniversary chapter. Happy birthday, Midnight City High. We sincerely hope all of you fans enjoy it. Writing this has been a truly magical journey.

CHATPER 13

Meowbar was nervus bc it was his ;] fist ;] day of coleg~! And he had a guiant crush on ME if you know what I mean but byme of coarse i me Mr. Stitch, COLLLEGE PRINCIPLE but not on sn8wwoman bc sehs a 8ITCH and hes gay like really gaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ^3  
Just themm….. …… . .. he saw DEI, his bff (BOYfriend or BEANfriend?? ;) ), in the hall,, on his… motorcyclo and he was really sexy and hot withlots of muscles and hotness and cool dark evil smile. he had stolded his mortorcicle from Speds Sleck bc Slik died under ….~mysterious circumsises ~~

Just THEN TRACCES walked into the school,, and crowbare blushud because traxes was hella hot and smoking (he wuz literally on fire) and had v shiniy muscles and teeth and hair like he was dipped in beootiful oil. It was beautiful.

“Time to……… get 2 class” hw whispered in a v hot voice so only crwbar culd hear

“YEHA ITS TIEM 2 GET TO CLASS AND LERN, CHUMPS” scremd a voice from behind them (who has heard trax w his gaydar senses)  
Every1 turned around 2 see who the booming voice was… it was CLOVER. ovr the summer he had grown 2 at least 69 feet and was super buff. “;]” he sed

”Helo” said cloveers muscles. Everyone was super scared of him and just started fucking crying they just cried their little baby eyes out rip in pancakes

JUST THEN out of the classroom walked…..

……..

…

……….

..

SN8WMAN (except she was not a man she was a woman lol)  
“Howdy yall” sn0wm0ns b88bs said   
“UM I HAVE A BOYFRIEND STOP FLITING WITH ME” articulated crowber. But hoo… was his boyfriend?? Stay tuned we’ll be back after these messages   
JUST THEN, THE SCHOOL BELL rang   
“Oh  my goodness we need to gte to lcass!” yodled gaygay   
“YEAH YOU BETR GET 2 CLASS OR ILL BULLY YOU NERDS” boomed clwver

Then they went into the cass like um no and sat in there chairs ECCEPT for dei who was on the cieling like that bc he was so goth he was p much a sexy bat  
It was italian clas where they leanred 2 speak spaghetti.

“Ok class 2day were goin to learns some ITALIEN” said the collig teacher who was named ms Dimes. She was italien BUT she spoke w/ a french accent bc thats hella sexy and also she was Mr. Quartees long lost sister (but shhh don’t tell!! They don’t know yet)

Creebra sighded. He had 4gotted his persimmon slip again!!! Thats at least 4 tiems

“Do u all have ur permisson slips???” the teach begged ecstatically

“I DO” itch the bitch screamed and he ran into the teach

Dei did not have a parmesan slip so he just sat on the roof and creid black sorrow goth tears and wept  
“Goo” came a voice from the cabinet   
“WHUTWAZZAT?” mrs diems mumbled loudly

“GOO” yelled the cabinet  
“Oh it must be baby cans. Helo baby cans come to your mother”   
The cabinet baby walked over   
“Greetings,” said baby cans who was mrs. dime;’s baby   
“Anyway class we are goin 2 see the italian translate of 50 Shades Of Get shRekt” pronounced mrs pennies   
“MORWE LIKE 50 SHADES OF GAY” sang crowbara.

“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” screamed Mr. PrinciplesStitch and he gave his BOYFRIEND CROWBREA a hi-5. Sn8wm4nz tiddy jiggled w/ lafter  
A bloodred tear ran down dies cheek (GHAHA WITCH ONE??? ;p) bc huis ex borfriendo was in gay with porfessor stotch

JUST THEN mr young trecks ripped of hiss shirt and flexed his manly men muscles and every1 gaspued  
“Omg… ” die yelled softly…. “Ur musscles”   
“Hello my name is gay said trace”

Newsflash every1 thouhgt that crowbrea was hella str8!!!! But y????  we just dont know

Little did evey1 no… trax and dei got gay married over hte summer so now tgheyre like officially gye  
“HOLY FUCK THE BUS IS LEAVING!!!” mrs dimes said   
“Woah! Goodness! Golly! Geez! My word!” yelled (b)itchy

Every1 ran 2 catch the bus BUT they werent fats enuf!  
“Its ock...” sed stech “we can just taek my PRI VATE HET”“ *jet

So thehyu flew the jet to the movies n parked on the roof ;]

;]

They sat diown 2 waht the move and guess who was on;] the screen!!!!! Sweriously;] guess. Im niot ;]telling yo;]u.

;]  
Ok ;]it was…………………………………………………………………;]………………………………………….. Hair;]dryerb!!!   
“EVERBODY, I HAVE AN IMPORNTAN MESSAGE 4 THE PEOPLE OF MIDNIGTH CITY~~!!!! ;]”;]

“WE R ALL IN GRAEV DANGER!!! THE ZOMBIES HAV CAPTURED ME! Remember the apocolupse from chatper one yeah that never stopped being a thing”

“Oh snap!” sneezed itchy

IT was at that moment……… thAT FIN stood up!!! !!

“Oh my fucking god,” said Fin. “No. You know what? Fuck this. Fuck all of this. This has gone on for too damn long,” he growled. He pointed up at the writers. “Why the hell do you keep doing this? All you do is write page upon page of inane bullshit, giggling to yourselves about how dumb it is. And not only is it stupid as all get out, but the only part you give me is to say, “Oh my fucking god” every chapter. I’m done with it. I’m done. Fuck all of you.” And with that, he left the theater, and the fictional world entirely, never to return.

hte writers did a shurg

Itchy wasnt listenign tho bc he was 2 busy………………..  
“I AM MAKING IT OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND” he siad while kissing everybodys boyfriend at once. Every single boyffiend. No boyufriend lefgt behind

It was magicksal

JSUT TEYHN… doc scratch crawled out from under the theathre seet  
“”I HASVE AN IMPORNTANTER ANNOUNCENT!” he aboved  
“ALL OF YOUR PANRENTS ARE NOT DIED! Except 4 deis bc they are gost vampire weresharks"  
Dei scremmed in Fear.   
The plan wuz 2 kill all of their parents  bc…. All along../.  
THEIR PARENTS WERE THE ZOMBIES!!!!!~!2  
NAD THE ZOMBIUES WAS THE VERY FEAR RESTING IN THEIR HEAERTS ALL ALONG!!!!  
Dun dun SDUNNNN  
Omg   
“What a turn of events!.” said itchy   
The plan... has _fail._   
  
_[Guitar plays in the distance]_   
_Don’t you_   
_forget about me_   
_Don’t don’t don’t_   
_Don’t you_ _  
forget about me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin.  
> Geddit. Cause Fin means end?


End file.
